Funeral wishes - why planning ahead matters - insights from our Q&A with Maillards Funeral Directors

An important part of estate planning is setting out your funeral wishes. A legacy is not just about what you leave to people, but what you leave behind. Memories, values and the impact you have on those around you are often how you will be remembered. By recording your wishes and sharing them with loved ones, you can help ensure your farewell reflects your personality while providing clarity and reassurance for those left behind.

As managing funeral director Julian de la Cour from Maillards Funeral Directors explains in this Q&A, discussing funeral arrangements in advance can remove uncertainty, ease the burden on family members and help avoid disagreements at a difficult time. We explore the benefits of planning ahead, common misconceptions about funeral planning, the role of prepaid funeral plans, and how individuals can ensure their wishes are properly documented and respected.

From your experience, why is it important for people to plan ahead for their funeral arrangements?      

The two certainties in life are taxes and death. We never know when our final day is going to arrive, so planning ahead is a sensible decision. For the loved ones that are left behind to deal with things, if the arrangements have already been discussed and agreed upon, this takes a huge amount of stress away from the family. They no longer have to make difficult decisions and wonder if this is really what their loved one wanted. One of the first questions that a funeral director asks is whether the loved one is to be buried or cremated. If the family are unaware of the loved one's wishes it can cause huge upset amongst them if they cannot agree upon this choice.

What are some of the most common misconceptions people have about making funeral plans?     

We find that some people are scared to talk about their final wishes and funeral plans because they think that it will pre-empt their own death. I can assure those who are concerned, that we have done many funeral plans. In our experience, once they have spoken to us and we have explained the process and its benefits, they end up much more relaxed and actually feel they have done something worthwhile.

How can discussing funeral wishes in advance help families during a difficult time?  

There are quite a number of decisions to make when arranging a funeral and the process can be difficult and stressful for the family immediately after a bereavement. Consequently, there is a huge benefit if the choices have been made in advance and with the benefit of time. When we meet families after someone has passed away and they are told that everything has been arranged, you can see the relief on their faces from the knowledge that the funeral will be as their loved one wanted.

What practical steps should someone take to ensure their wishes are properly documented?   

When we have met with our client and everything has been discussed and agreed, we send a draft to them to finalise and to make sure all of the details are correct. Once this has been done, we keep a record on file, send one to the client and send a further copy to the client's next of kin or executor.

How soon should a funeral director be contacted, and what support can they provide in those first few days?   

One should never be afraid to contact a funeral director as soon as they wish after someone has passed away. From the moment we receive a call we are there to support and guide the family or executor through the whole process and to make this time as stress-free as we possibly can. We are there to offer reassurance and to answer any questions they may have. We often say, "All you need to do is make one call and we will look after everything from start to finish."

How do prepaid funeral plans work, and who might benefit from them?  

After a meeting with a client and all the choices for the funeral have been discussed and agreed, an estimate of the final cost is sent to the client. This gives them the chance to review all the details and make any changes they wish. When all has been finalised the client has a choice to make a one-off payment or to pay in monthly instalments (details and terms and conditions to be discussed with the funeral director). The advantage of paying in advance for your funeral is that it gives you the peace of mind knowing you will get the funeral you want and also it will take the financial burden off those left behind.

What trends are you seeing in funeral services today? 

The funeral business has certainly become more modern, with the majority of services now being live-streamed, recorded, or accompanied by slideshows. Funerals are now seen as a celebration of life rather than a mourning of a death. You will often see funeral notices with the words "Bright colours to be worn." which reflects how the perception of death has changed over the years. The fact that people are not as frightened to talk about death and plan their own funerals is a positive development. As an example, we are often asked to customise our coffins in different bright colours, pink, orange, blue, purple, which we are able to do.

What are some of the most common disputes you encounter following a death? 

The death of a family member can either bring a family closer together or split them apart. Sometimes, if there is no will, the decision on who is going to arrange the funeral can cause a rift and one will find that within the family ideas differ on what that person may have wanted. Did they want to be buried and, if so, where will their final resting place be? If it is a cremation, are the ashes going to be buried or scattered and who is going to have the ashes? The old story of who is going to inherit what causes much dispute at times, these are areas where funeral directors do not get involved.

How can funeral arrangements reflect a person's personality and life story? Are there any examples which you can share?  

We find we are getting more unusual requests for funerals these days, particularly ones which are reflective of the deceased’s personality. On one occasion we organised the transport of the coffin to the church by a tractor and trailer with a long convoy of vintage tractors and lorries following. We even had to strap a coffin to the gentleman’s boat which was pulled on a trailer by his favourite tractor. We get requests for certain colours to be worn possibly to reflect the deceased's favourite football team. The photographs in the orders of service or videos of the loved one during memorable times in their lives. Eulogies are a large part of a service and some of the facts and stories about that person’s life can be incredible. Sometimes you wonder how they managed to achieve so much in a lifetime. Music is very poignant and can have the effect of either bringing people to tears or great laughter depending on the piece chosen. We are sometimes requested to put favourite hats on the coffin or golf clubs etc, things which were important to the loved one. When we get an unusual request, we normally say that if it is legal, we will try our best to accommodate it.

A key theme throughout this discussion is the value of planning ahead. As part of the estate planning process, recording your funeral wishes can provide important guidance to your executors and loved ones, helping to reduce uncertainty and avoid disputes at a difficult time.

Whether included in a will, set out in a letter of wishes, or arranged with a funeral director, making your intentions clear can provide reassurance that your wishes will be understood and respected.

If you would like assistance with preparing or updating your will, appointing executors, or recording your wishes as part of your estate planning, please contact Carey Olsen's Wills and Probate team. For advice on funeral planning, prepaid funeral plans, or discussing your options, please contact Maillards Funeral Directors.